So GFW came and went, in a flash. It was a whirlwind from beginning to end. Sometimes it feels hard to believe that it actually happened..but recently when I have watched our video from the show, reality sets in and I realize how lucky I was to partake in such an event.
On the day I must say I was quite gutted, because when you've worked so hard on a project for months upon months without much sleep, living in a studio...those two minutes you get on the catwalk are seemingly rare and precious. So when a mistake was made, and I didn't see my name put up on the screen, my heart sank. For some reason the name was the one thing I had been looking forward to seeing. Looking back it was so silly at the time, but I felt seeing my name would give me some recognition for the all hard work and energy I put into this collection, the blood sweat and tears (literally) would all be worth it.
I also felt quite down because I felt my portfolio wasn't up to snuff compared to others around me. I wanted to represent myself the best way I could, but yet in my eyes I had failed myself.
BUT I got over that, I can really appreciate the whole experience now. It really showed me that 'life happens', and you have to take the good with the bad - "roll with the punches".
Anyways What a day!!! and the models that I had were beautiful, couldn't ask for a better group. I got the 'Quirky' set. The beautiful blonde in my finale outfit looked absolutely stunning!!!!!
'Natural Protection' A/W 2011
Saturday, 15 May 2010
GFW HERE I COME!!
It was a surreal experience to be confirmed for London's Graduate Fashion Week - I don't think I have ever really had my dreams come true before, until now, and I am quite humbled by it all.
It really still hasn't even sunk in, I still feel as if it's not real, that it's a dream or someone will come up to me and be like "JUST KIDDING" (which would be horrible to say the least)....
I am still afraid I won't be good enough, I really want to make everyone proud, I don't want to let people down. I just have to work really hard for this final push, and make sure I don't take any shortcuts...
I mean for Monday (hand-in) not everything will be finished...but in a way I am okay with that, dissapointed of course, but I am coming to terms with the fact that I value my work and what I do, and I wouldn't want to rush finishing just for this deadline in particular.
I never have wanted anything so badly, and I just can't believe how lucky I am, I never thought something like this would happen to me, I don't think I have thought that I deserve much happiness or good things for quite some time now...so in a way I still question "do I really deserve this?"
But you know what? I know that I have worked hard, and I guess this just confirms this is what I'm meant to be doing - I am still currently in a grateful daze of astonishment.
I haven't felt genuinely this happy for quite some time, tears of joy fell from my eyes after I heard the words "you're in".
This is just the beginning...
As my bracelet says "Live the life you imagine"
Thursday, 13 May 2010
Saturday, 8 May 2010
Friday, 7 May 2010
Where do I even begin?
After yesterday, which was more like a tutorial or a critique for some people - the majority of my class hate this fashion degree at the moment.
It's weird, I don't even know how I feel about yesterday - I feel like an emotionless zombie. I mean when you put everything into perspective we have waited and worked hard for three years leading up to a 5 minute selection process....FIVE MINUTES - THAT'S IT!?!?! messed up isn't it....
I felt like I was going to be sick right before I entered the room where the selection panel were sitting - I didn't know what to expect.
It went alright, I think? They don't give away much at all, they just ask questions really about your line up, and what is left to be finished etc...
Tthese last few months have just been like whirlwind of stress, and now that the 5 minutes are over...everything is out of our hands - we are now powerless over the decisions that will be made over this weekend.
Of course I want GFW, of course I do...I just feel like I'm suspended in limbo right now, not knowing what my fate will be, hence why I feel emotionless/numb.
There's no point in stressing now over a decision I have no control over at this point.
I just have to keep my fingers crossed, and keep working as if there will be no tomorrow.
I will say this though on a separate note to myself....
We had a photoshoot with one of our outfits after our selection, and I REALLY REALLY enjoyed that. It was strange because I had lost my confidence up until I stepped into that room and they started shooting. I knew what I wanted from the model, and I took control...I was fearless and felt like it was something I was good at...you know?...like it was almost as if I was being a creative director for a magazine and was in charge of the photoshoot....
I worked with the photographer, and we got along really well, and he saw my vision of what I wanted and it was just a really uplifting experience after all the drama from the last 48 hours.
Maybe something to keep in mind for later on...
Anyways it's time for uni!
okay, bye now.
Bobby x x
Sunday, 2 May 2010
I keep getting the feeling lately, that something out there is trying to cut me a break, and giving me a second, third, and fourth chance to turn this project around, that this could be what I'm great at, and I shouldn't miss out on this opportunity....
I feel now though that all my chances are up, even this close to the deadline I can't pull myself together sometimes...and it effects my work. I mean I hate to say this, (but this is my doubt speaking...) even if I did get into GFW...I probably would feel that I didn't deserve it...
There are so many more people who can hold it together ALL the time and can balance everything, so why should they not get it instead?
Trying to find worth in my work is getting really tough - probably because I am still attempting to find worth in myself again.
Self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps....
I am so scared of being a failure that I almost bring it on to myself because I can't see past that fear. I let it overwhelm me and take over my world.
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all"
- Oscar Wilde
Monday, 26 April 2010
So I just had a 'Pre-Selection' crit.
I have to say going into it, I was really unsure and nervous, and a little bit ashamed of how behind I am currently. I wanted to be able to 'wow' them....
But overall it went well. I had our senior lecturer, Josh, for most of it.
And then he grabbed my course leader, Anne. I almost wanted to cry (lame) when she came in. I wanted to impress them both, but how could I impress them with half my collection still in progress...
I know it was hard for them to see the whole picture....to see the vision I see....
Josh whispered to me "we both really like what you're doing, we just need to see it come together now."
Even though it's almost lunch time and I still have the rest of the day to work, I just can't right now. I am still taking in everything that was said....I have to organize myself, and brace myself for the work ahead. I have Monica on Wednesday to help me sew, so that will be helpful and push me ahead quite a bit hopefully.
For now I will "organize" myself....aka. listening to music and procrastinating - it's what I do best (after designing of course)!
Oooooh wait, maybe I will order myself some business cards...that's something productive right?
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
So today instead of focusing on myself and MY studies...I did a favour for a friend/friend of a friend. I lent some of my clothes from my last seasons collection to a 3rd year fashion photographer. But I forgot to give her the clothes yesterday and had to rush to bring them in and press them this morning. I don't mind lending them, it just meant that I forgot my Pattern Folder (which contained every single one of my patterns) because all my hands were full with my garment bags - which meant that I couldn't do any work.... AND I also couldn't go home because I had to pick the garments up at the end of the day...
So I loitered in the library, feeling quite hopeless and really upset about what an unproductive day I was having...
Of course, I was able to do some photocopying that I had been planning to do previously for about a month now...
Moral(s) of the Story:
1. I can't say 'No'
2. I tend to procrastinate on my work by helping other people do their work,
3. Makes me feel less guilty about not doing MY work - "I'm HELPing them..."
4. I am now a Photocopy Wizard - yeah, I CAN tell you how to switch from A4 sheets to A3 sheets....
That is all....
Monday, 15 March 2010
It's hard to keep motivated on a day to day basis. This final collection that we are all stressing over because of Graduate Fashion Week in June, is definitely taking over our lives. And sometimes I DON'T WANT TO COME IN - because the work can become very monotonous, but you know what really doesn't help? Meetings like the one our year experienced today...
I know our whole year is behind, and fair enough that has to be said, but to be reminded everyday? - really?
To be honest I was absolutely fuming today. It's hard enough trying to balance everything and have no life due to this fashion course, but it's even harder to have to keep picking yourself up after every deflating meeting or chat that is had saying were 'not working hard enough, not in the studio enough, we should all be done this, that and the other by now, and we can't make up for lost time, we basically should be working all through our Easter break now, if we really care about what were doing....' etc...
Are you kidding me?
They put everyone under the same umbrella, but let me say there is quite a few of us who are in everyday, who put the hours and the energy into our work. AND Who have the passion and drive to make it work!!!
If were ALL behind...then maybe it's not our fault completely....(?)
Majority rules you know....
Well I was mostly angry with hearing the same thing over and over again,
Were behind, yeah we get it, even if we keep getting told, that's not going to change anything, so how about actually dealing with the situation at hand as it stands, and creating a positive atmosphere instead of a negative one..
I definitely was not the only person who was upset by what was said...
As motivational speeches go, that one goes down in the books as one of the worst.
Tomorrow is another day,
Saturday, 6 March 2010
There is always two sides to every story, looks can be deceiving.
It's what goes on behind closed doors that is the unknown - that is what we call a 'secret'.
It's also known as self preservation, (a preferred method of mine) - a natural guard or coated protection that we give ourselves so that we don't have to feel vulnerable. It is a mask that is worn everyday which portrays a superficial facade in order to accommodate to the people around us. We try and protect ourselves by hiding from others what we think they can't handle...but are we really protecting them? or are we really just trying to protect our own agendas in an attempt to continue the torturous routine that we have become accustomed to?
Something to ponder...
Although if there is one optimistic thing I have learned recently, it is that...
"Happiness is only real, when shared." - 'Into The Wild' (good film)
That's all for now,
Yes, I do realize it is 2:46 in the morning, but I can't turn my brain off...
between having a stage review next week, along with personal side projects and other personal $h!T3...I just can't seem to organize myself or my life for that matter.
The pile of laundry is growing, my room doesn't have a visible floor, and I think I have a weeks worth of dishes sitting on my desk...
You know those people who when pressure is applied they succeed and thrive under those strenuous conditions?
Well I am not one of those people.
I feel as if I am definitely crumbling.
There is an unbelievable amount of pressure for this final year, this final collection in these final few months. I am so passionate about what I am doing, and design, but it's that passion that scares me - what if my skills can't match up to my passion and to my goals. What if everything I have dreamed of is all really a lie because I have believed in something that isn't possible to attain. Did you know less than 1% of people within the fashion industry become designers. Yeah, I don't think I thought enough about my career before jumping into this vast sea of clothing and designers. I don't want to drown, I want to float- I want to be on top! YES!
Here are some toiling photos - I have been really inspired by working with medical materials such as the bandages and face masks. I think I have come up with some really neat stuff, let's just hope other people like it as well. Anyways here's what i have so far...let's see what else I can manage to push out in the next two days - I will be impressed if I even have 3/6 outfits to show on Wednesday - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Wish me luck!
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Tap your feet together three times, and say "there's no place like my home"...
...cause that's where these pretty things are from...
From my fav. shoe store on Queen Street,'Groovy', an independent shoe store that has a ridiculous amount of special edition sneakers. Nike, Adidas, Converse, Vans...etc. Many of the styles can't be found in your local 'Foot Locker', which is nice bonus because that means there is less of a chance of running into your shoe twin next time you decide to take a walk down the street. For these 'kicks', two people having them just ain't gunna 'fly'!
The main thing about these shoes is that they're quirky, and a little out there - but then again, I suppose that's a little like me...
I can't help but feel happy when I wear these shoes.
That is all.
(Long time over due - Sorry!)
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- ► March (4)