So GFW came and went, in a flash. It was a whirlwind from beginning to end. Sometimes it feels hard to believe that it actually happened..but recently when I have watched our video from the show, reality sets in and I realize how lucky I was to partake in such an event.

On the day I must say I was quite gutted, because when you've worked so hard on a project for months upon months without much sleep, living in a studio...those two minutes you get on the catwalk are seemingly rare and precious. So when a mistake was made, and I didn't see my name put up on the screen, my heart sank. For some reason the name was the one thing I had been looking forward to seeing. Looking back it was so silly at the time, but I felt seeing my name would give me some recognition for the all hard work and energy I put into this collection, the blood sweat and tears (literally) would all be worth it.

I also felt quite down because I felt my portfolio wasn't up to snuff compared to others around me. I wanted to represent myself the best way I could, but yet in my eyes I had failed myself.

BUT I got over that, I can really appreciate the whole experience now. It really showed me that 'life happens', and you have to take the good with the bad - "roll with the punches".

Anyways What a day!!! and the models that I had were beautiful, couldn't ask for a better group. I got the 'Quirky' set. The beautiful blonde in my finale outfit looked absolutely stunning!!!!!

Bobby present...

'Natural Protection' A/W 2011

GFW HERE I COME!!

It was a surreal experience to be confirmed for London's  Graduate Fashion Week - I don't think I have ever really had my dreams come true before, until now, and I am quite humbled by it all. 

It really still hasn't even sunk in, I still feel as if it's not real, that it's a dream or someone will come up to me and be like "JUST KIDDING" (which would be horrible to say the least)....

I am still afraid I won't be good enough, I really want to make everyone proud, I don't want to let people down. I just have to work really hard for this final push, and make sure I don't take any shortcuts...

I mean for Monday (hand-in) not everything will be finished...but in a way I am okay with that, dissapointed of course, but I am coming to terms with the fact that I value my work and what I do, and I wouldn't want to rush finishing just for this deadline in particular.

I never have wanted anything so badly, and I just can't believe how lucky I am, I never thought something like this would happen to me, I don't think I have thought that I deserve much happiness or good things for quite some time now...so in a way I still question "do I really deserve this?"

But you know what? I know that I have worked hard, and I guess this just confirms this is what I'm meant to be doing - I am still currently in a grateful daze of astonishment.

I haven't felt genuinely this happy for quite some time, tears of joy fell from my eyes after I heard the words "you're in". 

This is just the beginning...

As my bracelet says "Live the life you imagine"

:)

>

Je suis fatigue.

uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I want sleeeeeeep, and that won't be happening until Tuesdaaaay.

STRESSED TO THE MAX!

Can't wait for all this to be overrrrr.

P.S - Wassim, I love, love you.

A Hard Days Work - in the Studio..

Short-listed.

London today for last bits of fabric, and trims.

Friday 14th - next selection round

....fingers crossed!

GFW Selection

Where do I even begin?

After yesterday, which was more like a tutorial or a critique for some people - the majority of my class hate this fashion degree at the moment. 

It's weird, I don't even know how I feel about yesterday - I feel like an emotionless zombie. I mean when you put everything into perspective we have waited and worked hard for three years leading up to a 5 minute selection process....FIVE MINUTES - THAT'S IT!?!?! messed up isn't it....

I felt like I was going to be sick right before I entered the room where the selection panel were sitting - I didn't know what to expect.

It went alright, I think? They don't give away much at all, they just ask questions really about your line up, and what is left to be finished etc...

Tthese last few months have just been like whirlwind of stress, and now that the 5 minutes are over...everything is out of our hands - we are now powerless over the decisions that will be made over this weekend.

Of course I want GFW, of course I do...I just feel like I'm suspended in limbo right now, not knowing what my fate will be, hence why I feel emotionless/numb.

There's no point in stressing now over a decision I have no control over at this point.

I just have to keep my fingers crossed, and keep working as if there will be no tomorrow.

------------------------------------

I will say this though on a separate note to myself....

We had a photoshoot with one of our outfits after our selection, and I REALLY REALLY enjoyed that. It was strange because I had lost my confidence up until I stepped into that room and they started shooting. I knew what I wanted from the model, and I took control...I was fearless and felt like it was something I was good at...you know?...like it was almost as if I was being a creative director for a magazine and was in charge of the photoshoot....

I worked with the photographer, and we got along really well, and he saw my vision of what I wanted and it was just a really uplifting experience after all the drama from the last 48 hours.

Maybe something to keep in mind for later on...

Anyways it's time for uni!

yay.....(?)

okay, bye now.

Bobby   x x

I keep getting the feeling lately, that something out there is trying to cut me a break, and giving me a second, third, and fourth chance to turn this project around, that this could be what I'm great at, and I shouldn't miss out on this opportunity....

I feel now though that all my chances are up, even this close to the deadline I can't pull myself together sometimes...and it effects my work. I mean I hate to say this, (but this is my doubt speaking...) even if I did get into GFW...I probably would feel that I didn't deserve it...

There are so many more people who can hold it together ALL the time and can balance everything, so why should they not get it instead?

Trying to find worth in my work is getting really tough - probably because I am still attempting to find worth in myself again.

Self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps....

I am so scared of being a failure that I almost bring it on to myself because I can't see past that fear. I let it overwhelm me and take over my world. 

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all"

- Oscar Wilde

(How true...)

So I just had a 'Pre-Selection' crit.

I have to say going into it, I was really unsure and nervous, and a little bit ashamed of how behind I am currently. I wanted to be able to 'wow' them....

But overall it went well. I had our senior lecturer, Josh, for most of it. 

And then he grabbed my course leader, Anne. I almost wanted to cry (lame) when she came in. I wanted to impress them both, but how could I impress them with half my collection still in progress...

I know it was hard for them to see the whole picture....to see the vision I see....

Josh whispered to me "we both really like what you're doing, we just need to see it come together now."

NO PRESSURE.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

help.

Even though it's almost lunch time and I still have the rest of the day to work, I just can't right now. I am still taking in everything that was said....I have to organize myself, and brace myself for the work ahead. I have Monica on Wednesday to help me sew, so that will be helpful and push me ahead quite a bit hopefully.

For now I will "organize" myself....aka. listening to music and procrastinating - it's what I do best (after designing of course)!

Ok goodbye.

Bobby

Oooooh wait, maybe I will order myself some business cards...that's something productive right?

So today instead of focusing on myself and MY studies...I did a favour for a friend/friend of a friend. I lent some of my clothes from my last seasons collection to a 3rd year fashion photographer. But I forgot to give her the clothes yesterday and had to rush to bring them in and press them this morning. I don't mind lending them, it just meant that I forgot my Pattern Folder (which contained every single one of my patterns) because all my hands were full with my garment bags - which meant that I couldn't do any work.... AND I also couldn't go home because I had to pick the garments up at the end of the day...

So I loitered in the library, feeling quite hopeless and really upset about what an unproductive day I was having...

Of course, I was able to do some photocopying that I had been planning to do previously for about a month now...

Moral(s) of the Story:

1. I can't say 'No'

2. I tend to procrastinate on my work by helping other people do their work,

3. Makes me feel less guilty about not doing MY work - "I'm HELPing them..."

4. I am now a Photocopy Wizard - yeah, I CAN tell you how to switch from A4 sheets to A3 sheets....

That is all....

for now,

I think.

Bobs 

x

Really?

It's hard to keep motivated on a day to day basis. This final collection that we are all stressing over because of Graduate Fashion Week in June, is definitely taking over our lives. And sometimes I DON'T WANT TO COME IN - because the work can become very monotonous, but you know what really doesn't help? Meetings like the one our year experienced today...

I know our whole year is behind, and fair enough that has to be said, but to be reminded everyday? - really?

To be honest I was absolutely fuming today. It's hard enough trying to balance everything and have no life due to this fashion course, but it's even harder to have to keep picking yourself up after every deflating meeting or chat that is had saying were 'not working hard enough, not in the studio enough, we should all be done this, that and the other by now, and we can't make up for lost time, we basically should be working all through our Easter break now, if we really care about what were doing....' etc...

Are you kidding me?

They put everyone under the same umbrella, but let me say there is quite a few of us who are in everyday, who put the hours and the energy into our work. AND Who have the passion and drive to make it work!!!  

If were ALL behind...then maybe it's not our fault completely....(?)

Majority rules you know....

Well I was mostly angry with hearing the same thing over and over again, 

Were behind, yeah we get it, even if we keep getting told, that's not going to change anything, so how about actually dealing with the situation at hand as it stands, and creating a positive atmosphere instead of a negative one..

I definitely was not the only person who was upset by what was said...

As motivational speeches go, that one goes down in the books as one of the worst.

Tomorrow is another day,

Bobs

xx

Secrets & Protection (EMP)

   

There is always two sides to every story, looks can be deceiving.

It's what goes on behind closed doors that is the unknown - that is what we call a 'secret'. 

It's also known as self preservation, (a preferred method of mine) - a natural guard or coated protection that we give ourselves so that we don't have to feel vulnerable. It is a mask that is worn everyday which portrays a superficial facade in order to accommodate to the people around us. We try and protect ourselves by hiding from others what we think they can't handle...but are we really protecting them? or are we really just trying to protect our own agendas in an attempt to continue the torturous routine that we have become accustomed to?

Something to ponder...

------------------------------------

Although if there is one optimistic thing I have learned recently, it is that...

 "Happiness is only real, when shared." -  'Into The Wild' (good film)

That's all for now,

Bobs

x

Yes, I do realize it is 2:46 in the morning, but I can't turn my brain off...

between having a stage review next week, along with personal side projects and other personal $h!T3...I just can't seem to organize myself or my life for that matter.

The pile of laundry is growing, my room doesn't have a visible floor, and I think I have a weeks worth of dishes sitting on my desk...

nice.

You know those people who when pressure is applied they succeed and thrive under those strenuous conditions?

Well I am not one of those people.

I feel as if I am definitely crumbling.

There is an unbelievable amount of pressure for this final year, this final collection in these final few months. I am so passionate about what I am doing, and design, but it's that passion that scares me - what if my skills can't match up to my passion and to my goals. What if everything I have dreamed of is all really a lie because I have believed in something that isn't possible to attain. Did you know less than 1% of people within the fashion industry become designers. Yeah, I don't think I thought enough about my career before jumping into this vast sea of clothing and designers. I don't want to drown, I want to float- I want to be on top! YES!

Here are some toiling photos - I have been really inspired by working with medical materials such as the bandages and face masks. I think I have come up with some really neat stuff, let's just hope other people like it as well. Anyways here's what i have so far...let's see what else I can manage to push out in the next two days - I will be impressed if I even have 3/6 outfits to show on Wednesday - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

Wish me luck!

I have transformed my blog into an inspirational aid as I work through my EMP (Extended Major Project). The colour scheme and mood of my blog has been inspired by that of which will be my final collection... 

enjoy the waiting room,

Bobs

x

Fly Kicks

                                Tap your feet together three times, and say "there's no place like my home"...

...cause that's where these pretty things are from... 

 Toronto!

From my fav. shoe store on Queen Street,'Groovy', an independent shoe store that has a ridiculous amount of special edition sneakers. Nike, Adidas, Converse, Vans...etc. Many of the styles can't be found in your local 'Foot Locker', which is nice bonus because that means there is less of a chance of running into your shoe twin next time you decide to take a walk down the street. For these 'kicks', two people having them just ain't gunna 'fly'!

 

The main thing about these shoes is that they're quirky, and a little out there - but then again, I suppose that's a little like me...

I can't help but feel happy when I wear these shoes.

That is all.

(Long time over due - Sorry!)

Bobby

xxx

Dear Blogger.com,

I took an unexpected hiatus from blogging.

My sincerest apologies,

Bobby.

x

"It can't get any worse than this..."

So this past Saturday I had planned to go to London to do my fabric shopping...

Rose and I, planned to meet between 12:30-1:00, needless to say I didn't arrive in London till 3pm, and had left at 11:00am.

First off, I get to the train station, and see that I must wait 20 minutes for my train - me not being overly pleased, thought "well twenty minutes isn't too bad". 

So I caught my train, and then an announcement says that the train will be terminating at Southampton Central due to Engineering works. What does this mean? Well basically I have to catch a bus to Southampton Airport Parkway and then catch ANOTHER train that will take me to London....

After hearing this I was a wee bit frustrated to say the least - I knew I would be a little late to meet Rose, but regardless I had no other choice, so I warned her and thought that it wouldn't take too long (still slightly optimisstic at this point). I get off the train with everyone else, and there were A LOT of people! I figured I would follow this massive group of people thinking they were going to catch this 'special bus service' - BIG MISTAKE - but to be fair there were so many people crowding around the service attendant that I didn't want to waste anymore time (and these people, I thought, seemed to be sure of where they were going). Of course they were sure of where they were going, it just happened to be to a shopping center instead. By this time I have crossed the street, and am into a parking lot when all of a sudden this mass group of people divide....AHHHHH. Do I go LEFT?? or do I go RIGHT? 

Well I went left...and thought quickly to myself "something isn't right...". I politely asked these two women, "Are you catching the special bus service?", "Oh no, we aren't, you have to go back to the station and over the bridge to the next platform where it will be waiting outside..."

"Greaaat" I thought, I said "thank you", and then began retracing my steps back to the station.

Thoroughly annoyed, I stomped all the way back to the station, with a cigarette in hand. I get back, and at this time another guy from Bournemouth was asking the service attendant the same question I had "Where do I go to catch the special bus service?". I eve's dropped and started to follow him. He looked back and I was like..."I think I did the same thing as you", and as it so happens we did do the exact same thing. We went through this damn parking lot, and got confused when the group of people divided...

We briskly walked over the bridge to Platform 1, and out the doors and onto the street where we saw the buses!!! AT LAST! I honestly thought from that moment on as I sat down on the bus with my new travel buddy, that this was the worst that could happen, and that I was finally back on track on my way to London.

WELL, NO.

Yeah, that's right The bus pulled into this little station called 'Woolston' - yeah, never heard of it either...

I thought surely we were supposed to be dropped off at S.Hampton Airport, but figured they must have changed our route.

My travel buddy Paul and I get onto the station platform, thinking we were still in the right place, and looked at the train scheduale...

There were NO trains going to where WE needed, obviously confused, we walk over to another service attendant and ask "What train will take us to Basingstoke & London Waterloo?". "Oh no you got on the wrong bus, you will have to catch another bus back to Southampton Central and then get on the right one"...well neither of us were pleased with hearing this, and then all of a sudden - the attendant said "well, you  can get off at the second stop, Farneham, and then catch a train to Waterloo from there - Yes, actually you two are better off doing that."

UGHHH! 

(We both thought that this would be better than getting a bus back to S.H Central)

Well the train arrives not too long after this converstaion, and once again...we are on our way!!! yay!

Feeling a little disheartened but a little more secure now that we are on the right track again, we set off to Farneham station, and head to the next platform where our train will be coming in...

When we arrive in Farneham, by this time it was 12:37, we found out that our next train would not be coming for another HOUR! Are you kidding me??!?! Seriously, I could not believe my luck, or rather both of our luck. Well Paul and I decided that we might as well discover Farneham a bit, and took a stroll into town to look at some of the shops. 

We come back 20 minutes before our train is due, head to the platform and wait. We shared witty banter about how this was a 'BTD', a Bad Train Day, and that it really could not get any worse than this...

On the train still talking, "Basingstoke" is announced, and I finally had to say goodbye to my BTD - PIC (Partner In Crime).

When I arrive in London...

Of course I chose the weekend when Oxford street was closed for pedestrians for Christmas fesitivites...

Literally never seen or been around so many people in my life, the tube was packed! - the streets were packed, AND I am slightly clausterphobic (which was not in my favour when I was riding on the tube). Anyways, I made it to Berwick street and went to the Cloth House expecting to find leather, but no no that would have made the day been somewhat okay. Instead I find out that the Cloth House will not be stocking leather of any kind anymore. Yeah, great news for me...

So I had to settle for some leatherette which from the outside looked fairly decent, but I must admit I was not prepared for how differently it would fit on the body. Needless to say it did not work out for me in the end, as I had planned to do laser engraving, haha yeah melted leatherette does not work. 

Now looking back on that time (as this was last term), I realize how unprepared I was for fabric shopping. I had not done much research before hand and I believe that if I had done more sourcing at any earlier date, perhaps I would have had a much more successful outcome.

All I can say is that it was a lesson learned, and next time when I do go fabric shopping I won't be as unprepared...

  

'CRUNCH TIME'

Sooooo I am now just halfway through this project....I have been so stressed with finding my footing, that I forgot the whole point of having a blog. I could have opened up all my frustrations on here instead of keeping them all in my head or written on random pieces of paper that I'm sure I've lost by now.

I think it's been so hard this first term because we were asked to explain who we are as individuals and as designers, which is probably  the hardest thing to do. Rarely does one ever look at themselves so closely. Of course as you go through the process, by the end of it you realize how self aware you have become.

However, I do believe that it has benefitted me greatly. I now know so much more about myself - how I work, what makes me tick...it's amazing...getting there just took a little more time than I would have liked.

ANYWAYS

I just had my Mid-Way crit. last week and got the results this week! Everything was in the good category! Which is GOOD...because I definitely expected satisfactory or below. It's not that I don't believe in my work or that I'm not passionate, it's just I wasn't sure what my tutors would think...and well being new to the course and all...it's a little intimidating...this is their first impression of me - needless to say, it was a wee bit scary. 

All is well now, just a little behind and when I say 'little' I mean quite a bit behind...and last weeks little 'bad flu' incident didn't help either. I know what I need to do though....so i just have to DO IT! Ladies and gentlemen, it is now officially 'CRUNCH TIME'. Let's do this!!

BUT I will put up some photos of what I have been up to since my absence from blogger!

Clothes pegs have never been cooler...

I've been taking them apart and creating some pretty neat patterns. I'm thinking I will screen print some of my fabric for my outfit.

I have the picture in my head...now I just have to produce it.

Surrealism is my inspiration - The idea of taking reality(objects), taking them apart and then recreating something out of it that may or may not make sense. It's exciting, and it's funnily enough how I work best. I explore things that already exist. I really enjoy De-co/Re-co...

 

more photos to come...

De-Co/Re-Co Disaster

So it has been about a month that we all have been in uni. Let's start from the beginning....

On the second day we had a de-co/re-co project, which to be honest I thought i was prepared for until they told me to cut up my vintage dress from my 21st birthday....uhhh no! so well since I couldn't cut that up I was very limited. I brought fabrics in but they were completely opposite to my delicate, and detailed black dress. I brought in a harsh sliver lycra....yeaaaah....not much to work with.

 and then there was the inspiring object....

which don't get me wrong...was inspiring but, combined with everything else I had brought in and the lack creativity due to the absence of my morning coffee...I was spent!

Well I did some sketches and decided to accentuate the shoulders - which was inspired by the shape of the glass when I turned it upside down.

and then I started coming up with stuff like this...

 

 

So basically what happened was I started a new look and decided to make one single garment from the fabrics I had brought in...

Well let me tell you...I actually heard the words "Get rid of those wings, just get rid of them" said the visiting tutor (whose name was also Robin) referring to the strong shoulder line I had made on my cape...capette?? 

Anyways I was embarassed - I spent all this time on these stupid shoulder pad thingy's...but it looked ridiculous, my fabrics were all so different...nothing looked good.

So frantically at the last minute...I am trying to re-work this piece of clothing(?)...seriously though, not really sure what it is to this day.

I grabbed Suphattra and re-styled this whole thing. Wrapping it under and over her arms, behind her back, around her neck....And the result was this:

NOT my proudest moment, but it can only get better from here on in...right?

at the end of the day I just was so eager to start my first project. It was really hard to focus or give energy to anything else that I didn't think was directly related to it...

thoughts?

Nope, just glad that's over with.