GFW HERE I COME!!

It was a surreal experience to be confirmed for London's  Graduate Fashion Week - I don't think I have ever really had my dreams come true before, until now, and I am quite humbled by it all. 

It really still hasn't even sunk in, I still feel as if it's not real, that it's a dream or someone will come up to me and be like "JUST KIDDING" (which would be horrible to say the least)....

I am still afraid I won't be good enough, I really want to make everyone proud, I don't want to let people down. I just have to work really hard for this final push, and make sure I don't take any shortcuts...

I mean for Monday (hand-in) not everything will be finished...but in a way I am okay with that, dissapointed of course, but I am coming to terms with the fact that I value my work and what I do, and I wouldn't want to rush finishing just for this deadline in particular.

I never have wanted anything so badly, and I just can't believe how lucky I am, I never thought something like this would happen to me, I don't think I have thought that I deserve much happiness or good things for quite some time now...so in a way I still question "do I really deserve this?"

But you know what? I know that I have worked hard, and I guess this just confirms this is what I'm meant to be doing - I am still currently in a grateful daze of astonishment.

I haven't felt genuinely this happy for quite some time, tears of joy fell from my eyes after I heard the words "you're in". 

This is just the beginning...

As my bracelet says "Live the life you imagine"

:)

>

Je suis fatigue.

uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I want sleeeeeeep, and that won't be happening until Tuesdaaaay.

STRESSED TO THE MAX!

Can't wait for all this to be overrrrr.

P.S - Wassim, I love, love you.

A Hard Days Work - in the Studio..

Short-listed.

London today for last bits of fabric, and trims.

Friday 14th - next selection round

....fingers crossed!

GFW Selection

Where do I even begin?

After yesterday, which was more like a tutorial or a critique for some people - the majority of my class hate this fashion degree at the moment. 

It's weird, I don't even know how I feel about yesterday - I feel like an emotionless zombie. I mean when you put everything into perspective we have waited and worked hard for three years leading up to a 5 minute selection process....FIVE MINUTES - THAT'S IT!?!?! messed up isn't it....

I felt like I was going to be sick right before I entered the room where the selection panel were sitting - I didn't know what to expect.

It went alright, I think? They don't give away much at all, they just ask questions really about your line up, and what is left to be finished etc...

Tthese last few months have just been like whirlwind of stress, and now that the 5 minutes are over...everything is out of our hands - we are now powerless over the decisions that will be made over this weekend.

Of course I want GFW, of course I do...I just feel like I'm suspended in limbo right now, not knowing what my fate will be, hence why I feel emotionless/numb.

There's no point in stressing now over a decision I have no control over at this point.

I just have to keep my fingers crossed, and keep working as if there will be no tomorrow.

------------------------------------

I will say this though on a separate note to myself....

We had a photoshoot with one of our outfits after our selection, and I REALLY REALLY enjoyed that. It was strange because I had lost my confidence up until I stepped into that room and they started shooting. I knew what I wanted from the model, and I took control...I was fearless and felt like it was something I was good at...you know?...like it was almost as if I was being a creative director for a magazine and was in charge of the photoshoot....

I worked with the photographer, and we got along really well, and he saw my vision of what I wanted and it was just a really uplifting experience after all the drama from the last 48 hours.

Maybe something to keep in mind for later on...

Anyways it's time for uni!

yay.....(?)

okay, bye now.

Bobby   x x

I keep getting the feeling lately, that something out there is trying to cut me a break, and giving me a second, third, and fourth chance to turn this project around, that this could be what I'm great at, and I shouldn't miss out on this opportunity....

I feel now though that all my chances are up, even this close to the deadline I can't pull myself together sometimes...and it effects my work. I mean I hate to say this, (but this is my doubt speaking...) even if I did get into GFW...I probably would feel that I didn't deserve it...

There are so many more people who can hold it together ALL the time and can balance everything, so why should they not get it instead?

Trying to find worth in my work is getting really tough - probably because I am still attempting to find worth in myself again.

Self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps....

I am so scared of being a failure that I almost bring it on to myself because I can't see past that fear. I let it overwhelm me and take over my world. 

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all"

- Oscar Wilde

(How true...)